Lascia Che Io Sia
by Nek

Io non ti chiedo niente
Il tuo saluto indifferente mi basta
Ma tu non puoi più farmi
Male da starci male
Non vali più di questa luna spenta
Ricorda che dicevi a me

Lascia che io sia il tuo brivido più grande
Non andare via accorciamo le distanze
Nelle lunghe attese tra di noi
Io non ho confuso mai
Braccia sconosciute con le tue

E parli e scherzi e ridi
Ti siedi e poi mi escludi sento addosso
Sorrisi che conosco sorrisi sulla pelle
Quando eravamo terra e stelle
Adesso se tu mi vuoi e se lo vuoi

Lascia che io sia il tuo brivido più grande
E non andare via accorciamo le distanze
Nelle lunghe attese tra di noi
Io non ho confuso mai
I tuoi pensieri mi sfiorano
Ti vengo incontro e più niente è importante

E se lo vuoi
Lascia che io sia il tuo brivido più grande
E non andare via non sei più così distante
Quello che c'è stato tra di noi
Io non l'ho confuso mai
I tuoi pensieri mi sfiorano
Ed il passato si arrende al presente

Hari ini tanggal 1 Muharram 1427 H.
Brand New Day 4 me!!!

Profesi Geisha ku pikir profesi yang sangat rendah. Ternyata, filosofi yang ada di dalamnya tidak serendah apa yang dipikirkan banyak orang. Mereka anggun, manner, smart, dan gorgeus. Tapi nggak berarti ku ingin berganti profesi sebagai Geisha. NO COMMENT. Ada banyak cerita yang bisa diambil dari kisah semalam itu. Salah satunya adalah persahabatan itu bisa pula membawa celaka. Intinya, tidak ada persahabatan yang tulus. Bisa jadi itu dapat disimpulkan dari apa yang kulihat dari kisah Chiyo dan Pumpkins. Perjuangan hidup sejak kecil, ternyata belum mampu menguatkan batin mereka berdua. Dan kemudian dinodai penghianatan tatkala, kecemburuan, dan kesenjangan di antara mereka berdua muncul sebagai batu sandungan. Sekedar menguji kesetiaan. Nilai persahabatan kemudian luntur begitu saja. Apakah memang seperti ini? Lalu bagaimana kemudian bisa melindungi diri sendiri? FAITH

Tapi setidaknya cinta sejati itu membawa kebahagiaan. Asal kita yakin dengan perasaan kita dan melepas itu semua tatkala tidak sesuai rencana, cinta akan datang untuk kita. Cinta tak akan kemana!

Sudah lewat tengah malam dan aku masih juga berkutat di meja kantor menunggu ruang edit lantai lima. Sambil menunggu akhinrya aku hanya bisa online di messanger. Untung saja ada beberapa teman yang bisa ku ajak chat. Meski kalau aku jujur, list friend di messanger ku tak semuanya ku pernah bertemu. Lucu memang. Tapi, aku cukup aman untuk sekedar ngobrol. Toh yang ada di list itu kan juga teman teman borsistiku. Untuk beberapa jam kami bisa sharing keberadaan kami. meski absurd. Topik pembicaraan memang jelas, tapi kenapa aku merasa ngobrol dengan orang asing. Karena wajah tak pernah ku lihat. Tapi sudahlah....masih ada harap kok untuk bersua suatu waktu. Pfuih..... hujan tengah malam ini makin melengkapi jenuhku. Belum lepas juga kejenuhan, ku mendengarkan siaran radio 105 fm radio itali lewat streaming. Cool. Serasa kembali. Dialek itu, khas nya masih jelas terdengar. Musiknya itu, ritmenya masih bersahabat di telinga. Ach aku lupa, masih satu yang tersisa, meski tak pernah sedikitpun ku ingin memberikan ruang sempit di relungku. Luas untuknya. Sudah jam 1 pagi.... met bobo yah, sayang!!!

Mestinya memang harus ke kantor hari senin. Tapi entah perasaan enggan menggerakkan kaki lebih berat daripada menggerakan tanganku. Baju yang sudah menempel di badanpun akhirnya percuma. Bahkan badan ini lebih memilih terbaring hingga lewat waktu sudah. Ibu bahkan mendukungku untuk tidak beranjak dan memintaku lebih untuk istirahat saja. Pfuih, sepatu itu sudahlah kusemir, kemeja inipun sudahlah ku beri wewangian. Tapi, lagi-lagi berat kaki untuk melangkah. Baru kemudian beranjak sore kuberanikan jauh dari rumah. Bernafas untuk lepas dari kebosanan. Pergi meski tidak seberapa jauh. Menyepi di dalam ruang yang tidak seberapa sepi. Gelap namun semua mata menuju ke satu layar. Raguku hari ini pun terjawab. Apa yang diminta ibu ku pun terbukti. Thnx God aku tidak beranjak jauh dari rumah.

sendiri malam ini,
dan tidak peduli dengan banyak orang
ku sadar pernah berucap untuk tetap menikmati kesendirian
meski banyak nafas orang di sekitar
toh semua itu tidak berpengaruh
biar saja
meski ku selalu merindu
dan lepaskan saja
meski semua ...lagi lagi tidak bepengaruh
sampai kemudian menjadi jerah
dan takut ini akan menjadi terbiasa

Seminggu ini....

Aku mungkin baru dalam kehidupan kamu
Hingga ku tidak begitu mudah bisa pahami kamu
Tapi bukan berarti aku tidak mempedulikanmu
Coba saja
Waktu yang ku miliki memang tak bisa lepaskan penatmu
Bahkan lelahku justru inginkan tubuh ini bersandar denganmu
Lihat saja
Kalaupun kamu marah, aku akan berkaca dan seketika itu juga ku buang jauh ego ku
Tunggu saja
Mungkin tidak akan lama lagi ku benamkan diriku dalam pelukmu
dan kubenamkan pula rindumu akan aku
Sampai kamu temukan asa mu lagi
Tidak ada lagi air matamu
Dan buang jauh semua kesalmu
Tentu kesal bukan karena padaku lagi
Karena pada saat itu, aku sudah akunya kamu
Rasakan saja!!!

Never cross in my head to have it alll. Moreover I am acknowledged this far from the conservative impression that was owned by me. The characteristics that was spoken of highly by me but I fell also because my method simplicity thought. Itz so plain. Currently all that perhaps only remains then. Not many possibly that remained. Or possibly already not also was owned by me. I would not think about that. Although useless. That I am natural currently was me that now. That was had by me was what I had now. Moreover that I had, itz all for me. Learning from what I could for of my life trip. If not me, who could help me? Don't blame me Coz of it.

Today i've met the old friend. Much stories and madness. For quite a long time we did not meet. We only met twice. That too has for a long time, and twice the meeting then only took place short. It was not doubtful that I then want to very much time to meet and change the story. Old in fact wanted to meet, although only drank coffee. Well, tonight finally we then met. Although without the plan beforehand. Our two hours chatted. Boyztalk. About the life, relations, job, talc heart to heart, secret of life. The normal matter and simple, but that could expel my boredom.

Aujourd'hui j'ai commencé de nouvelles relations. Ce n'est pas quelqu'un pas le nouveau noeud dans circle ma vie. Moi qui n'ai pas eu confiance en PDKT l'ai alors commencé brièvement. Pour moi PDKT a seulement trouvé malhonnête, où quelqu'un a seulement montré sa bonne attitude, bien que non réel. Donne- moi le temps pour te prouver, que je le sentiment pour ne pas te blesser. Tu l'as vu était ce que que j'avais. Donne ma valeur quand tu t'es sentis.
Quoi que ce soit plus tard, ainsi ton évaluation à moi. C'était clair, j'ai seulement essayé qui était le meilleur avec le sentiment qui m'appartenait.

The truth was indeed bitter. And bitterer it seems, if knowing by chance that after we were already done in the lie. I would not could have forgiven all the available lies. But I was lucky knew although all of them have ended currently. Not the matter that no use although in the long run also I knew later. Already. Although I had not been wrong in considered, but currently possibly I will change how to judge people against the person. Drastic indeed and unjust. But possibly this one way for me could remain and protect myself. But, at least I had learned. And don't blame me if afterwards I turned. If that I love denied me, why didn't I love the person that once I hated?

Settembre 2005, Soltanto per la memoria
Io non seppi. Che cosa la mia frase di inizio. Da allora durante la notte io pensai solamente a questo tutti. Prima possibilmente sulla lettera che tu hai scritto nel tuo promemoria. Io non seppi che per che e quell'in modo chiaro quello non per me, perché io non avevo cercato il lavoro. E la mia fotografia non era nel tuo portafoglio che tu non hai tenuto. Inoltre nel tuo portafoglio anche. La conseguenza era io non seppi chi che che tu l'intenzione nella lettera. Ti credo per cercare conoscenza alla vetta, e mi scapi per quello. Ma cosa? Il tuo sentimento continuò ad essere diviso con l'altra persona, e non a me. Poteva io ogni per Lei là, Tu pensieri sull'altra persona. Si sentì necessario per annusare fuori la fotografia della persona. La tua intenzione quello che???Io ora non fui finito pensiero il treno di pensiero ed il tuo modo di vivere, hun! Per favore da me ebbe fiducia di nuovo e di nuovo in te. Per favore da me venne di nuovo a migliorare tutti per questo. Ma cosa??? Pensi disponibile solamente due persone, la persona ed I. Ma alla tua casa di preghiera la tua promessa, mi giuri. Io non capisco il tuo treno di pensiero su fino a questo secondo. Io non seppi quello che tu vollevi. Io tentai di capire. Ma, sia lontano più adirato, sentì fu disturbato. Quello fu eseguito da se nella situazione fu esortato. Perché??? amò io ed amore era lo stesso io. Ma, anche l'amore era lo stesso l'altra persona, manchi l'altra persona, e si sentì necessario per annusare fuori la fotografia dell'altra persona. mi amò ma mi trattò piaccia il tuo nemico. Non solo che, l'inondazione della tua rabbia fu inondata da a me spesso. Io seppi che avevi il problema con la tua famiglia. Ma non mi intese solamente fu assegnato poi l'inondazione della tua rabbia, senza dividendi a me. Per favore da me capendo e la tua situazione. Ma io non seppi da vuole dire di cosa per mostrare che io capii. Inoltre avevi il cuore per essere pubblicato da disse detto quello non meritò dissi io. Io ancora stavo avendo il cervello ed il sentimento. E sfortunatamente non vidi quello. Io non seppi fu riguardato da io come quello che. L'amica o se? L'amo, ed ora fui considerato da me uptil tu ed io eravamo avere un amore per il quale davvero deve essere lottato, ma se la lotta deve col dolore sempre. Io non chiusi i miei occhi col bel giorno di giorno che è stato subito insieme da noi di periodo. Io ero felice subì questo con te. Io ero felice poteva il tuo spirito. Ma cosa per se dopo solamente un affare fosse? Se quello fosse avuto da noi questo era prezioso per te, mantenne questo. Quello poi!!! Io solamente pace-amoroso e la calma subì questo. Non deve essere molto complicato col tuo sentimento che ha diviso come quello. Finalmente io compresi, possibilmente io ero più imperfetto per te. Molte delle mie mancanze. E non adatto per Lei. Mi perdoni!!!

C'est fou! Je n'ai pas su ce qui a été effectué par moi deux dernières heures. Tenté quelqu'un sans but. Seulement la satisfaction que je pourrais, quand je le connaissais. Et, c'est mal. Mais je m'interesse l'a fait. Bien que son sentiment ait a été ridiculisé par moi. Maintenant je sans le fardeau l'ai fait. Un début de mon attitude spontanée. Et alors, je ne lui avait pas pensé de nouveau. Une question du mystère qu'une fois moi pour. Trompé la personne, sans savoir qui je en fait. Le mystère ? Déjà, je n'ai pas voulu actuellement penser ce qui a a été fait par moi. Est néanmoins allé. Parce qu'en effet non peut-être pour être capable de le répéter de nouveau. Un rôle que pendant une longue période de temps vraie non faire. C'est Fou!!!!

January 7th, 2006, 23:27 From : :) "Hi pa kbr, lg ngapain di..? Lg dimana ni mlm mingguan? Aq bete bgt tau.. Sebelsebelsebelsebelsebel.."
January 6th, 2006, 18:07
From: :)
"Knapa Di..Kmu lg dimana? Ag lg mo blk kermh"
January 1st, 2006, 01:17
From: :)
"Di..Slamet Taon baru yaa, smoga sgala keinginan & cita2 dpt t'wujud..Amien"

I was not finished thought with the person who had the car. They had the vehicle with air conditioning, could hear music, in fact could telephone. Between that was had by them, still was that they want to more, they wanted to travel in the road without the obstacle and the impasse. Did not make sense. Moreover when the atmosphere in the morning. The dream if wanting to progress in the road without stalled even. Please compared with them who were forced to stand pushed one another in the public transportation. With the condition for the bus that was not refrigerated. Moreover although wanting to stay comfortable, they must pay more. It was not rare, the room cooler then not maximal. Moreover more will be felt hot if passangers exceeded the available capacity. But please saw, how did not know himself the owner of the person's car. Read out horns when bus passengers wanted to descend. To unload the bus then will need a long time. Moreover if the bus in the condition was full. Continue to horns were read out high-pitched. They had the car but they did not have the brain. What was their wish?

Did not know why, tonight I felt so strange of my self. Not only to myself personally, but also with many people. Moreover I felt strange was in the friend's wedding reception. Not many that could be discussed by me. Because useless then. I thought I have found saturation point in my life now. Because I also did not know where the true direction. Frustrated. I could not still be patient to myself. I hated myself tonight. I was confused if personally. But I could not also breathe if so many people. I only wanted to sleep in the embrace someone tonight. That could for me comfortable gained the dream and strong when I was awakened.

"The kind of marriage you make depends upon the
kind of person you are. If you are a happy,well-adjusted person, the chances are your marriage will be a happy one. If you have made adjustments so far with more satisfaction than distress, you are likely to make your marriage and family adjustments satisfactorily. If you are discontented and bitter about your lot in life, you will have to change before you can expect to live happily ever after."
- Evelyn Duvall and Reuben Hill

Apa yang bisa dilihat sepanjang minggu di awal tahun ini? Setidaknya, seminggu ini banyak hal yang sudah dilakukan. Kompleks dan tidak biasa. Melakukan sesuatu yang beda dari biasanya? mmmmhhhhh Why not Berani beda and Osez la Difference

L'alarme qui a enroulé sur mon poignet juste le son. A été minuit.

Et moi toujours avec mon travail. Bien que les yeux ne soient pas en fait déjà amicaux a demandé pour de travailler.
Mon corps plus a aussi choisi le lit doux que la place(le siège) de sofa qui ne pas vraiment pourrait me noyer.
Bien, j'ai reconnu déjà combien aujourd'hui je ne poste pas blogger. Pensez que l'on ne pourrait pas m'avoir demandé d'être en pourparlers avec le problème disponible. Soyez pas, j'ai voulu pas partager. De plus quoi d'autre c'était capable d'être partagé par moi et partagé à qui. Hmmm hier dans la nuit, je me souvenais toujours quand j'avais dit à un ami, "Quand vous dépendez toujours avec l'autre personne, vous ne pouviez pas être mûrs." Aimé ou n'a pas aimé à long terme de droit qui l'a subi personnellement. Parce que je pense, malgré le beau conseil d'un ami en conserve être entendu, la décision continue à était dans la solitude.

Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
I see a stream down your face when you lose something you cannot replace
I see a stream down your face And I
I see a stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
I see a stream down your face And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Kesahku terhapus sudah tatkala suaramu kudengar.....lagi. Kesah yang ada sejak pagi tadi. Dan memuncak usai matahari bergeser ke barat. Menjelang sore. Lewat waktu sudah. Maaf jika ku berusaha telah melupakanmu. Maaf pula jika kuperlakukan dirimu tak adil setelah itu. Jika saja kamu tahu, ku tak mampu halau rindu yang terbenam begitu saja. Ku tak rela rindu itu menguap tanpa pernah ku bisa sentuh wajah. Begitupun hatimu. Ku tetap ingin tangkap tiap kata yang terucapkanmu. Ku tetap ingin rasakan itu dari kamu. Tapi ku tak mampu ucap itu semua. Meski sebenarnya ku masih merindumu. Ku tak ingin diri ini munafik pada apa yang kurasakan kini. Hanya saja, masihkah kau ijinkan aku dapat merindumu?

Hari pertama di tahun yang baru. Lelap tidurku hari ini hingga jam tiga sore. Semalam kulewati malam tahun baru yang berbeda, meski tidak terlalu istimewa. tapi cukup buatku tertawa dan merasakan satu hal. Bakar beberapa ikan bawal dan tentu saja...petasan dan kembang api. Tak banyak yang datang, tapi yang datangpun sudah cukup buat suasana malam itu meriah.
Beberapa mesej kuterima dengan ucapan dan doa. Dan tak ada satupun yang kubalas. Jahat? Tidak juga. Lagipula tergantung bagaimana kita bisa menilai suatu tindakan itu jahat atau tidak. Dengan tidak membalas mesej bukan berarti jahat kan? Bukankah terlalu mudah menganggap orang menjadi jahat dengan seperti itu? So naif!!!! Sudahlah....tapi, cukup lah buatku senang dengan ucapan dan doa itu. Akupun balas mendoakan mereka, kok!!! Well, besok kembali kerja!!!